Is it all just love?
When we strip away all the things we can see down to the things we can’t see, what is it?
Is it love?
How we treat ourselves, our self-worth, our confidence, our non-negotiables, our permission to rest and our boundaries; are they all tied with the same invisible intangible thing at the core?
If we dialed up the love for ourselves would we see an improvement in our lives?
Flippant words and society have left the sentence ‘she just loves herself’ with such a bitter taste in our mouths as it mixes with misplaced beliefs around ego and selfishness.
I am not aware of any evidence that shows humans having a love reservoir, something only able to contain a certain amount of love to share, or something that runs dry during a hot summer of love.
To love oneself, doesn’t mean we have no love left for others does it? Directing you love to yourself does not any love away from your loved ones, there is still plenty to go round.
Let’s look for a moment at the aspect of self-worth, dictionary.com tell us Self-worth is the sense of one's own value or worth as a person. Where does self-worth of lack of it come from?. A baby does not arrive in this world with a lack of self-worth. In fact a small baby is often a great example to think about, they are generally happy little beings, until they have an unmet need, such as a need for food, sleep or a clean nappy. They know this feeling is not one they should have left lingering, so they make a fuss, they demand that their needs are met and then generally return back to that happy little being.
Yet, as adults when we have an unmet need , there is then this huge battle and turmoil that perhaps we don’t deserve this need to be met, it would be selfish or unkind, others need that time or value more than you. So in the main we simply go without, devaluing ourself over and over again. Often life events have chipped away at our self-worth, childhood trauma, inherited generational trauma, gendered roles and pressures and social conditioning.
Many of these things are given to us as children, so we can see how the chipping away takes place without our conscious noticing. However if self-worth was once a full cup of a full ball of energy, draining off and chipped away at, can we regenerate it? Can we make it full and whole again?
If we treat ourselves with the love given to a new baby, meeting our needs in each moment can we increase the love for ourselves and in turn raise our own self-worth.
Imagine a life for a moment, where you go to bed when you are tired, you nourish your body with good food when its hungry, you hold yourself in a snuggly embrace when you need a cuddle. You spend time with people who raise you up, not chip away at you. You are encouraged, as a baby is encouraged to utter their first word, to speak with truthful expression.
Can you try something today? A small thing as a gesture of love for yourself. Can you dip your toe in and feel the temperature of the your love? Dial it up a little and notice that sense of warmth that will appear.
It can take a long time to undo the layers of a life time, and I am certainly not a finished article. But as the Chinese proverb tells us "A journey of a thousand miles, starts with one step" can you make a small step today?